No matter where you are from or how you were raised, you have a personal set of values.
It does not matter what family you were raised in.
It does not matter what your parents and siblings like to do or don’t like to do.
It does not matter what your school colors are. You alone have a unique set of values.
Your value system is what determines how you respond to situations in school and in social situations.
It determines how you handle things at work. It doesn’t matter how many people are doing the same type of work, nor what the rules are.
Millions and millions of people raise kids, and there is a certain successful way to go about this, but whether or not you apply that certain way is determined by your value system.
If you don’t believe this, try thinking of something that irks you. If it irks you, then it means that according to your way of thinking “that’s just stupid”.
If you feel angry, then most likely you are thinking about disrespect. No one is cooperating. You don’t get your “me” time. The house doesn’t look the way it ought to be. Other people in the home are leaving things where they shouldn’t be and you like a neat house. Something like that. Or things are moving too fast. You don’t get enough time to play video games, which is important. Why can’t anyone else see this?
When a bunch of people are in the same room and not every single person is on the same page about what is “normal” or what is important, then there will be a reaction. At some point, there will be reprisal.
For a kid in this situation, a good idea is to at least pay attention to what is important to the ruling adult. To expect the kid to take on the same value system right off the bat is futile. But for the kid to at least do what is “normal” for the adult to get along and not be targeted for misbehavior is a more reasonable expectation.
Doing things a certain way for a certain amount of time while in a certain situation in the presence of a certain adult is a more reasonable way for a kid to be able to get along. Over time, it may become normal for him too.
Ego and values systems go hand in hand and ego has big feet. With so many varieties of value systems, those big feet are easy to step on.
And this is why I wrote Jungle Pack: Therapy Workbook and Journal, to help you stop stepping on those big feet so much and to become more aware of how your own big feet sometimes get stepped on too.