Phone call script:
(pretend phone call): “You ought to be ashamed of yourself for not wanting to spend time with us. Who do you think you are?”
(after hearing “You ought to be ashamed):
then hangs up the phone.
call is attempted again. This time it is the client who receives the phone call from the therapist. The shame talk is started towards the client,
whose turn it is to say “Bye” and then hang up.
As the script is performed, there is an opportunity to help the client express any
feelings and thoughts about this.
The act of structuring personal time and not letting someone take it up with shame based messages is healthy. It takes practice
and the opportunity to explore feelings which will most likely come up. There is a common expectation on the client’s part to wonder what will happen with this new power of control. The bully, whether he/ she is a family member
or friend has most likely expressed emotion such as anger, or tried to use guilt
whenever the client has attempted to draw boundaries before.
A typical guilt message is “Don’t you love me?”